Over the last few years, I have been asking myself how does one heal from intergenerational trauma within a community that refrains from acknowledging anything that has happened in the past?
How do we speak of the trauma and pain that our parents went through trying to raise children in a new society while experiencing racism, poverty and social isolation? When do we even begin to talk about the fear and trauma that was inflicted on the next generation of Somalis?
Trauma and the memory of violence is something that I have always been interested in for many different reasons. Growing up in a Somali household, I always knew trauma existed before I could even name it. This is because my father, like many other Somali men who had to settle in unfamiliar societies with new gendered social roles, and expectations were unable to process his own emotions and mental health, and as a result violence was the only way he could communicate his feelings. My mother was also another example of someone who held onto her memories of homesickness, grief, and trauma and rarely spoke of it unless it was to warn us about the dangers of society and it's people.
Intergenerational trauma
It took me years to understand why my mother was very skeptical and paranoid about everything around her and why my father held onto so much deep-rooted anger. Majority of Somali parents who experienced violence, civil war, displacement, racism, and poverty lacked any support system, and resources to unpack their grievances.
Therefore, Intergenerational trauma and mental health was an inevitable consequence, especially within my household. For example, showing any signs of emotions was considered a sign of weakness, which was why my father banned us from crying. I grew up with so much suppressed emotions, anger, frustration, and in many times perpetuated the same violence that was inflicted on me because that was the only language I was taught.
Healing from Intergenerational trauma
My personal experience living in a trauma filled household motivated me to study the impact of conflict, memories of violence and intergenerational trauma. However, even with this academic knowledge, I was still unable to unpack my trauma because of how suppressed and detached I was from my experience and emotions.
During my postgraduate studies, I met many young Somalis who shared similar experiences and through trauma bonding we would sit together and discuss our dysfunctional upbringing, using humor as a coping mechanism and a way to heal. But still, there was no guide book for us on how to actually heal from intergenerational trauma or mental health. What made it even more complicated was the dynamics of religion, traditional practices and the Somali culture of silence, forgetting and the need to be grateful.
This is not to say that one is not able to heal from intergenerational trauma, yes we all know that the process is challenging and sensitive but what has helped me so far is the the following steps
1. Acknowledgement and remembering the past
As a Somali community, collectively, we have been so used to the culture of amnesia and forgetting, which explains why a lot of us are carrying the burden of the trauma of those that came before us. To break this cycle as young Somalis, we must first acknowledge and pinpoint the root cause of the trauma and pain so that we do not pass it onto the next generations.
This process is one of the most difficult because it requires sitting with oneself or with a therapist and trying to understand how certain events have shaped your life and how it has contributed to mental health, e.g. depression, anxiety, substance abuse, violence etc.
However, acknowledging the root of the trauma and remembering the past is one of the most liberating processes, because it allows you to better understand yourself, find mechanisms to heal and eventually break the cycle of trauma.
2. Safe spaces, and collective dialogue about trauma and mental health
The difference between young Somali diaspora and Somali elders is that we are more willing to openly talk about trauma and mental health, whereas our parents are more likely to tell us to forget and to be grateful that we are alive,
What has helped me during this journey of healing is the collective conversation about trauma, particularly with my sisters because it reminds me that I am not alone. Most importantly, it allows us to create a safe space to explore our emotions and share practices of healing mechanisms.
In a Somali community, openly talking about trauma healing and mental health is a revolutionary act because we are breaking the culture of silence, forgetting and eventually, the cycle of trauma itself.
Through these open dialogue, I have learned the importance of patience and accepting that our journey to healing will look different to that of my mothers who over the years have become more willing to engage in these conversations to understand the dynamics of our wellbeing and mental health.
3. Art and storytelling
The use of art, storytelling and poetry is one of the most powerful tools that can help in the journey of healing and reclaiming oneself and identity.
Traditionally, Somalis are known for their creativity and oral storytelling and what I have noticed is that it is much easier to discuss the past through storytelling. For example, despite my parent's silence of their own experience of trauma, it is was through the countless stories of life prior the civil war and resettlement in the UK that I am able to understand better the dynamics of my own family and the link to mental health
Essentially, breaking the cycle of intergenerational trauma , while navigating our own life is not an easy process, especially given the complex dynamics of the Somali culture, religion and traditional practices- But for me it is the most essential and crucial task for the Somali diaspora community to embark on not only for the sake of personal healing and growth but also to break the cycle of violence, and trauma within the Somali community.
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